I recently watched a spate of movies that make me think that going to the prom is very important for young people in the U.S. I asked my wife if she had gone and she said “no.”
“Is it because you weren’t invited or because you weren’t interested?” I asked.
She said she wasn’t asked. She had transferred to her high school in a New Jersey town in the third year, coming from New York City. Culture shock. Not only did she dress differently from the other students, even at the young age of 16 she understood that her views were more cosmopolitan.
Add to that, her high school, which was regional (kids from four towns went there) had only two African-American students (a brother and sister), and my wife and her sister were two of only four Hispanic/Latin Americans there. She remembers just a handful of Asian-American students, as well. So different from the student bodies at the Brooklyn schools that my wife had attended!
“By the time I came along, the cliques and the couples were long-formed,” my wife explained. Most of the students had grown up together and had been in school together in their respective towns since kindergarten.
I asked if bothered her that no boy had asked her to any prom. Again my wife said “no.” Instead of the senior prom, she had gone camping with some girls from her school.
I was intrigued by this American rite of passage. I pressed, asking if going to the prom was really that important.
Sighing, my wife replied, “Not to me.”
Perhaps it was because her parents both hailed from a Central American country, that, like Italy, did not have a prom tradition.
My wife acknowledged that, for some students, attending the prom was a very big deal. They would spend weeks, even months, agonizing over (for the boys) asking someone to the prom or (for the girls) being asked to it. Once the invitations were accepted, there was the fussing over clothing, shoes, hairstyles, corsages, and transportation to the prom.
A week or two before the event, the school would hold assemblies to warn students about the dangers of drinking and driving. The school’s driving instructor said to the students, “Everyone look to the person on your right and then to the one on your left. At least one of you won’t make it to graduation.”
Grim, for sure. And yet, accurate: a fellow classmate of my wife’s was killed the weekend before graduation by a drunk driver.
Apparently, the students to whom proms mattered most tended to be cheerleaders, football players, other team-sport members, and members of the student council who made up various cliques. Outsiders like my wife could never hope to be invited into those tight groups.
Back in Italy, I didn’t know anyone who talked about their glorious school days. That would truly be weird. On the other hand, I’ve been accused of living in the past because I like to recall events and people from my younger days that left a lasting impression on me. I also don’t let go of grudges. I do know a number of folks who never left our little town, even though their own children left as soon as they could.
My wife stressed that she is more than satisfied with the trajectory of her life, which she viewed as having been in an upward direction.
“For some people, that recognition and those social achievements in high school: proms, sports teams, cheerleading squads, student presidencies, trophies, etc. were all-important. What’s sad is if they get stuck there.”
Bruce Springsteen sang about this in “Glory Days.” There is also an old Alfred Hitchcock TV episode about a middle-aged man who can’t let go of his days as a hurdler, with tragic results. My wife told me about one of her classmates, a star track-and-field athlete, and how disheartened he became when he failed to make even tenth place when he competed at the college level.
“I hope he moved on from that. For some people it’s as if they peaked in in their teens.” my wife noted. “I think life is more satisfying if you peak later in life, or, better yet, if there is a series of peaks as we move through our lives.”
I like that view. It’s more hopeful than thinking that life has passed me by, that I’ve missed “my chance,” whatever that means. Truthfully, as a young, somewhat disabled guy growing up on a modest farm in the Italian countryside, I never dreamed I’d have all that I have, done all that I’ve done, and traveled as much as I have. Without a plan, without even knowing what a “trajectory” was. Maybe I haven’t peaked yet.
Let me stop now, before I get any mushier.
E.E. Mazier is pleased to announce the release of The Face, her latest novel. The Face centers on an elusive artwork created at the time of Jesus and its meaning and repercussions then and in modern times. For action, thought-provoking ideas, and a bit of history, The Face is for you. Available on Amazon in Kindle and paperback versions.
Do you like stories about curses, steamy settings, and alluring people with mysterious powers? Are you interested in the early days of rock and roll and the hard road to fame? E.E. Mazier’s novel, Johnny Moon and the Black Dog Queen, offers all that and more. Now available as a paperback and on Kindle at Amazon. Some reader reviews: “a gripping read, which captures your attention on the first page and doesn’t release it until the last page!” “The characters stayed with me long after I finished the book.”
photo courtesy of “Anton”
ANTON CIRCLES HIS WORLD 